I've written blogs before, for work, for myself, but I've never written my true feelings and what I have been going through. I'm not entirely sure how to start this, but I do know that if I can get it started, I can potentially help somebody going through the same thing that I am.
In May, I graduated with a B.S. in Wildlife and Fisheries Sciences. I had everything and everything figured out. I had a B.S., a long term boyfriend, a graduate school opportunity, and all of the confidence in the world.
That comes with a big past tense. The last weekend in july, I was driving my brother and friend to float the river. About halfway there, we were involved in a car accident. I know. That sounds bad, and it was, kind of. We were the front car in a three car accident. My brother and friend were completely fine. My car was messed up but not totaled. I had various problems that I am not legally allowed to discuss right now but will be fine in an undisclosed amount of time.
What the accident did do aside from all of that was give me some perspective and, after a couple of weeks, some time to find myself.
Flash forward a few weeks. It's the beginning of this week. I'm in the middle of having a full on mental meltdown. I lost an apartment near my graduate school opportunity. A job opportunity was lost. Here I am, one week before school starts with no where to live, no job, no school supplies, and a full dose of PMS. I didn't know what to do.
Naturally, I started searching for whatever help I could find. I had already been praying for weeks, so I asked my family to start praying for me as well. I called my old boss, who has always given me sage advice and steered me in the right direction. I talked to my family, my friends, my self, anyone who I thought could help. By Thursday, nothing seemed to be working, and all I could hear in the back of my head was my sage adviser. "Don't do anything for anybody else. Do it for you. Stay in school. Get a job. No matter what you do, do it for you, and put everything you have in whatever you choose." That really resonated in me.
Starting school this semester seemed completely out of the question. I could not give my 100% to graduate school, physical therapy, and, most importantly, myself, at this time, all at once. Following this realization, I proceeded to withdraw from the university, and try to find myself and what I need to do with my life, what I want to do with my life.
So, here I am: a 22-year old living in my parents house, no job, not in school, just here. Searching for myself.
